The silence that covered up half the ticking clock antagonized me to not waste another second. I realized how i've already wasted half of my breathing period, dawdling underneath this familiar roof for several years now. I've been concealing myself behind my very own invisible shield created by my cluttered mind itself. The lining of the shield somehow corrodes every now and then which cause me such pain to bear. Letting the razor-edged thoughts soon to be woes to kiss my fragile cells. Hurting the organ that is pumping torpidly beneath my chest. The organ that kept me alive. That kept me breathing in this air to feel more like a human. It was breaking, and i need to stop it from breaking. I can't let it break. I could not let it be shattered into oodles of little pieces and endure such eternal ache. It felt so atrocious as if my heart had been administered by a sharp-eyed knife straight through my heart. But, i am just an impotent human being. Too impotent that i could not even stand on my bare feet nor halt this entire vocation of my life. Never in my life had i ever felt this weak. So, it is still breaking. Once, i felt that i was just dragging my soulless corpse around , being entirely dead. I never knew how does it feel to be alive. To feel normal. I could do nothing. Nothing but to make way for the tiny holes in my eyes for all the tears to run away. Finding a better place to stay.
written by sara lisa